mustard is awesome

So I have something of a condiment problem in general, insomuch as the doors of my fridge contain almost exclusively condiments, with some extra and oversized items kicking around on the main shelves. And I do USE all these things, it’s not just a compulsive acquisition problem.

Surprisingly, given this, I have very little patience for pointlessly exotic condiments, like Mama Mona’s Homestyle Cranberry-Horseradish Mustard and so forth. Just mix some goddamn mustard with preserves and be done with it, jeez.

However, it has come to my attention recently that my condiment dictatorship does recognize a remarkable number of distinct mustards that should be kept available at all times.

  • Swedish mustard – lightly sweet, for example Lars or Slotts. Good with New England boiled dinner.
  • German mustard – scharfer senf. Spicy, good with sausages. Most awesome in tubes.
  • Boetje’s mustard – from Illinois. Good on everything.
  • Gulden’s spicy brown mustard – for deviled eggs and cocktail frank recipes. Sometimes I deviate and get Plochman’s grainy instead.
  • French’s yellow mustard – for your hot dog and hamburger, and to tint your deviled eggs.
  • Grey Poupon dijon mustard – I don’t like the ersatz dijon from Trader Joe’s and usually stick with the classic.
  • Kosciusko Polish-style mustard – the king of all mustards. Delicious in every application.

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